Dogs and Sex.

People enjoy sex, and view food as a necessity. Dogs enjoy food, and view sex as a necessity. The enjoyment that people get from sex is equivalent to the enjoyment dogs get from people food. So, when dogs get table scraps after begging and pleading, they show off to all their animal neighbors and brag about how that bitch couldn’t resist him, and gave him a piece of her Hot Pocket.

Likewise, when dogs steal the food off your plate, that constitutes as rape and should be handled accordingly.


Fuck the 700-whatever the fuck thousands of people trying to protest corporate greed and environmental injustice.

Keep protesting, idiots. Don’t like how big-name corporations are stealing* all this money from the government** and from innocent*** consumers? Well, then go to college and become one of the head of some big ass corporation, and lead by example. Quit being a hippie and blocking New York City traffic shouting about the same shit motherfuckers have been bitching about for years.

Footnotes:

*Corporations don’t steal. You just buy their shit, and you’re dissatisfied with their product. Open up your own fucking business, and use your economical genius to create competition in the market and drive the prices down. Its called capitalism, fuckers.

**Don’t like big banks using government funds (tax dollars) to issue big ass bonuses to the retards that financially fucked your country? Its not the banks’ faults. Look at the retards that hold political positions that make millions off those big name banks and are just returning the favor by passing the bail outs. Didn’t think about that, did you?

***Consumers aren’t innocent. Don’t bitch about gas prices while you’re filling up your gas tanks. Don’t bitch about Bank of America’s debit card fees when you can just switch banks, join a credit union, or USE CASH. So, how are you gonna be mad at motherfuckers for charging you fees, when you pay those fucking fees?


stryker:

Back then April O’Neil didn’t want me. Now I’m hot April O’Neil all on me.

(via nittygrittydirtylilfreak)


I don’t care if any of my gay friends invite me to their wedding, but if my squirrel friends have a wedding… FUCK. THAT.


I would rather an army of fire ants take residence in my ass hole than be in class right now.


Do you know how embarrassed I’m gonna feel as an American if we’re still in a recession when Beyonce gives birth? That’s no way to greet the messiah!

And you would think Obama of all presidents would understand.


Dogs never give a shit about your new haircut.


Now that I have a Tumblr, I’m as unique as all the other hipsters. Now, I just need to find that floral print button-up and a camera.


I successfully added a Twitter feed widget to my Tumblr…

There goes an hour I’ll never get back.


Posting this from my Android…

Google might own everything one day. In fact, since Google is pioneering the most captivating technology, I feel America may have no choice but to become tag team partners in our race to stay ahead of the game in everything from entertainment, business, and homeland security.

For this reason, alone, I foresee Google administrators and chairmen seeking political positions in this country’s government…

What happens from there? I haven’t thought about it that hard.